Today I'm diving straight into dating!
Following a number of conversations with frustrated friends this week regarding dating and their dissatisfaction with the men and women they're meeting, I thought I'd spell out the biggest pitfalls in relationships and what you can do to avoid them.
Now we all know that dating can be an exciting and rewarding experience, it gives you a dopamine hit like few other things, and the adoration of a new partner can be the stuff that dreams are made of, until it's not...
There are countless dating issues that both men and women face on the road to what they truly want... A healthy, lasting relationship in which they feel sexy, safe, accepted and loved. And to those who say they don't want that, note #5 below on commitment phobia...
As humans, we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are but why is it seriously hard (no pun intended), to attract a healthy masculine man or a vibrant feminine woman...?
With 3.2 million singles on dating apps at any given time in Australia, we're facing a swipe-culture epidemic that we've never seen before, which is leading to major issues when it comes to genuine communication, authentic connection and ultimate happiness.
SO.. How do we navigate it?
Read on to discover the biggest roadblocks to happiness in relationships, how to address them, and my tips on how to recognize and attract a healthy feminine women and/or masculine man into your life!
Issue #1. Lack of Communication
One of the most common reasons for relationship problems is a lack of communication. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and it's important to find someone who is willing to listen and engage with you. Healthy masculine men will be good listeners, communicators, and problem-solvers. Healthy feminine women will be open and honest in their communication and willing to share their thoughts and feelings. In order to attract this kind of man or woman, we must BE this kind of man or woman. Notice how often you genuinely listen to what your date or partner is saying. Are you actively listening with curiosity and acceptance, or listening to respond and judging what you hear. Communication is only effective when we respond rather than react. Notice what you're doing in your relationships and whether your judgements are affecting how you respond to what the other person is saying...
Issue #2. Lack of Trust
Trust is essential in any relationship, but it can be challenging to establish. People who have been hurt in past relationships may struggle to trust again, which can lead to insecurity and jealousy. Healthy masculine men will be trustworthy and honest, and they will be willing to work to rebuild trust if it has been broken in the past. Healthy feminine women will be able to trust a man until he gives her a reason not to, and she won't be possessive or controlling. If you're finding you are repeating patterns in your relationships, chances are you're hanging on to something in the past You're allowing past traumas to affect the way you respond to a new partner in the present. This takes work to overcome but it doesn't take long. Time Line Therapy®️ is incredibly effective at addressing this particular concern that is fundamental to overcoming if you want a healthy relationship.
Issue #3. Lack of Compatibility
Even if two people seem perfect for each other on paper, they may have fundamental differences that make it difficult to connect emotionally or intellectually. This all comes down to values. Healthy masculine men will look for a partner who shares their values, interests, and goals, and who is willing to compromise. Healthy feminine women will also look for someone with similar values and will be open to exploring new activities and interests with their partner. If you're finding that you're attracting partner after partner who just doesn't "get" you, you may have an issue with misaligned values. To attain a healthy and fulfilling relationship, you must me heading the same way in life! Rowing against the current is exhausting no matter how determined you are. Align your values to go with the flow.
Issue #4. Emotional Baggage
Everyone has their own emotional baggage, but it can be challenging to deal with when it starts to affect the relationship. People who have unresolved issues from their past may struggle to connect emotionally with their partner, or they may push them away. Healthy masculine men will be emotionally resilient and able to deal with their partner's emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Healthy feminine women will be in touch with their emotions and able to express them in a healthy way. If either hasn't dealt with the emotions of past relationships, childhood trauma or lack of self love, the relationship is doomed to fail no matter how hard they try. Wiping the slate clean by shedding light on our emotions is a fundamental part of creating the foundations of a great relationship. NLP, Time Line Therapy®️ and Hypnotherapy work wonders with eradicating emotional baggage and allow the individual to move forward with clarity, authenticity and fearlessness into a new healthy relationship.
Issue #5. Commitment Issues
Commitment is a significant step in any relationship, but some people are incredibly afraid of it. Some people may have commitment issues because they fear losing their freedom, because they are not sure if they are ready for a long-term relationship, or simply because there are things about their partner that give them the "ick" but they cant bring themselves to talk about them, so they leave and move on to the next because it's "easier" only for the same thing to happen with the next one that the come across! Healthy masculine men will be willing to commit when they feel the time is right, they will not be afraid of losing their freedom to their partner because they know they have a choice and they are actively choosing this person to create a life with. Healthy feminine women will also be willing to commit when the time is right, they will not be clingy or needy, because they know they are whole and complete without the need for a partner, so are choosing to commit with a sense of empowerment and authentic receptivity. Commitment is not a scary word when you are wholly empowered and abundant in yourself. When you feel this way, your choice is clear and easy, your partner is someone you deeply respect and WANT to love. Anything less means there is work to be done...
So in conclusion... Whether you're just stepping onto the dating carousel, are navigating the complexities of a new relationship, or are looking for long-term commitment with someone you are choosing, it's important to be aware of the above and shine the light of awareness on each when they're triggered.
Healthy relationships require strong communication, trust, compatibility, emotional resilience, and commitment. Finding healthy feminine women and healthy masculine men is possible, but it takes time and the willingness to work on yourself and your relationship skills first. What you give out is what you shall receive. Whatever you hide will be brought to light in ANY relationship you enter into. With patience and effort, you can find a healthy, fulfilling relationship that will last.
It's up to you to BE the change you want to see in your relationships...
All my love... Courtenay x
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