Navigating the treacherous waters of financial discussions in a relationship can often feel like trying to steer a dinghy through a cyclone, especially when you've recently taken the plunge into engagement, as I have.
Picture the scene: two lovebirds, starry-eyed, soul-connected and completely besotted, yet when it comes to money matters, speaking TOTALLY different languages. Ah, the joys of love and finance!
My abundance motto of “there will always be more, just live your life” has always been GREAT for manifestation and making money, but not so great for “responsible” adulting. My partner on the other hand leans frugally into the responsible-saving side of the ledger… and to say the mis-match has caused more than one spirited discussion is the understatement of the financial century!
It's a well-known fact, at least in Australia, that financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, with numerous studies highlighting money as a top reason couples part ways. It's not just about the amount coming in, but how you manage it together that counts.
Having navigated these choppy waters myself very recently, I've learned that trust, clarity, honesty, and alignment are not just fancy terms but the very foundation of a successful financial partnership. So today I'm bringing you my top tips for foundational finance, before you end up depressed in divorce court:
Open Communication: I cannot stress this one enough. If you want something, TELL your partner. Talk about it! Don’t keep it a secret. Start with an honest conversation about your financial situations, your goals and your hopes for the future. Disclose your incomes, debts, savings, and financial goals, no matter how shameful you believe them to be. It might feel like airing your dirty laundry at first, but it's the bedrock of trust and understanding in any partnership. And if you aren’t comfortable in having this (or any) discussion with your partner, consider what's blocking you from being who you are:
Set Shared Goals: Whether it's saving for your wedding, a marital home, the honeymoon or a dream vacation, or the ever so exciting necessity of preparing for retirement, setting shared financial goals can turn your partnership into a powerful alliance. This not only aligns your financial paths but strengthens your bond as you talk through any lingering issues and work towards your common objectives. It can also uncover any unconscious issues that you may be facing that are reflected in your finances (more on that in a future blog).
Commit Together & Encourage Growth: Now I detest the word “budget” because I genuinely believe in abundance, not lack, so I see my financial goals as “commitments”, choices that I make with money coming in. You can have short term commitments that make you feel good instantly, like a new dress, jewelry etc. etc., or a long-term commitment like a home or investment fund. Find out what commitments you both want and work out healthy levels of BOTH! Clarity around your joint commitments for both your incomes, expenses, and savings goals will take the pressure off you both. This isn't just about ensuring the bills are paid; it's a way to ensure both partners feel involved and responsible and excited about the financial health of the relationship.
Regular Financial-Goal Check Ins: Yes, you read that right. The more you hate to talk about finance, the more of these you need with your partner. Schedule regular check-ins to discuss your finances, progress towards your goals, and adjust your plans as needed. ESPECIALLY if they have a different money-mindset to yours. Make it fun! A glass of wine, some spreadsheets, and a dream board can turn a potentially stressful discussion into a romantic and exciting date night. And you know… Money becomes a BIG aphrodisiac when you’re both on the same side of a building balance sheet!
Respect Each Other's Financial Independence: While it's important to work towards shared goals, respecting each other's financial independence is crucial. This means allowing for personal spending and saving habits within the agreed-upon commitments you make. It’s always healthy to keep a little mystery in any aspect of a romantic relationship,, whether it’s a new date night dress, or a night out with the lads, you’re two individual people choosing to form a partnership. It's about finding the balance between joint financial health and the individual freedom to live your life!
By integrating these strategies into your relationship, you not only navigate financial discussions with ease but also build a stronger, more resilient partnership… So in summary, consider this: in a relationship, whether one partner earns more than the other is less important than how you plan your financial journey together.
It's about setting shared goals, being transparent about your finances, and working as a team. After all, financial success in a relationship isn't about reaching a destination; it's about how you navigate there together. So, let's grab the financial helm with both hands, set a course for mutual goals, (can you tell my family is in boating… Ha!) and let's enjoy the journey together, shall we?
After all… if we can laugh at the idea of navigating financial discussions, we're already halfway to mastering them!
Until next time…
All my love,
Courtenay x
P.s. If the mere idea of the discussion above leaves you fearful, distant, avoidant or cold, sometimes all it takes is a mediator. Book in today for a more peaceful tomorrow:
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